Nov 1, 2009

You're a fag!!!

Misfortunate Events:

  1. It's 1996, I was in Lebanon meeting a friend, we wanted to have a long weekend together, so he had to lie to his family about coming to Syria to meet me. I went there and we stayed in a hotel room together. A stupid hotel room in a shitty hotel we could barely afford. Suddenly, in our last morning there, the so called "room service" opened the door when we were all over each other. They shut the door right away, but this "motel-like" hotel room's door was wide open for a minute while everyone outside looked at the two of us saying good-bye in the best way you could ever imagine… So, when it was time to leave, people gathered around us, they started to beat us hard… One thing to say about myself, I've never tolerated abuse, I stood up to myself and went out with only a black eye, while my friend had 3 broken ribs, a broken nose, a dislocated shoulder, and many wounds on his face and other body parts. The worst worry before we leave was "what if they called the police?", and after I got him to a hospital we worried about what we are going to tell his family, since we cannot afford to go to the police, we would be put in jail for being "fags" as the people who beat us kept saying over and over.
  1. It's 1996, a few months later, I've already met my first boyfriend, and a female neighbor, who had a crush on me, saw us one day kissing… She actually tried to blackmail me to having sex with her, she said: "We either have an affair, or I'm gonna tell everyone you're a fag!!!"… Only in the Middle East an honest good gay man can be blackmailed by a cheating wife into having an adulterous affair… Relax guys, I did not have sex with her… I have had enough of women for at least a 100 lifetimes during that 10-months-relationship with the girl I told you about.
  1. It's 2006, I've had just broken up with my boyfriend, and I met a nice "rebound material", or that was what I thought. I had to pay him off not to go and tell everyone that I was gay. He would have actually done hadn't I paid him.

Those are the major things that have happened to me… There are many worse stories than these I'm sure. I'm actually going to tell you some of them, but I have already promised to tell my story first

Jan 27, 2009

Growing Up


I never thought telling my story would be that hard. LOL
I have been writing, deleting, rewriting over & over now. UFFFFF

Anyway, I thought of starting with quick facts:

Born in 1975, moved to KSA (Saudi Arabia) with family in 1979, to live in the Holy City of Medina.
Grown in a very religious family, grandfather was a Sheikh & Islamic activist, not a terrorist btw for those of you who might think wrongfully that all Muslim activists are terrorists, but he was strict enough.

Puberty: I remember starting getting all the puberty signs at the age of 12 years old. Poor me :( I got my first "public" hard on at 13, when I saw a gorgeous teacher; he was 25, so who can blame me? huh?

Denial: We've all gone through that phase, haven't we? Well, for me it was between the age of 14 till 18.

Acceptance: Luckily for me, I enrolled in Med School, always been a bright student. (HEY, I'm a Taurus, I HAVE to brag a little… LOL)
There, I heard of that "new", back then, study about being "born gay". I had to do my research, then studied Muslim and Christians Scripts, to know where religions stand from one's sexual identity. Never been lucky with the Christian ones, but thanks to my grandfather's & father's reputations, I was able to have access to many rare Muslim books. After almost 13 months, I came to the conclusion that Islam agrees with that study, but never state a clear statement about gay sexual activities, or whether homosexuals are accepted in "the Kingdom of Heaven" per say.
For those who are wondering about Lut story in the Quran, the whole concept is misunderstood & misinterpreted, they were not punished for being homosexuals as the flow of the story events tells. Anyway, I have mentioned a summarized conclusion in my other blog. (click here)
So, I did accept the fact that I'm gay at a young age; I was 19 & a few months, nevertheless I had to prove it to myself, so (hold your breath guys) I had sex with a woman (ewwwwww, I know), & actually maintained a relationship with her for over 10 months. (HOW DISGUSTING!!!) I'm still friends with her till now, what can I do? I'm adorable. (The Taurus thing kicks again :P)
Anyway, one day I decided enough is enough, I'm ready to act upon my sexual desires & identity.

SO, no major awwww/oh poor you/drama stories there. SORRY to disappoint you.
BUT I have to mention a few harassments, not sexual ones; THANK GOD, but they caused quite a disturbance in my relationship with my father back then. We got along well afterwards. phew!!!...
I'd also witnessed only one disturbing event regarding homosexuality; a Pakistani guy being killed for being gay in KSA, I was 15 back then. But other than that, I never had any disturbing event till I became 21.

Be patient we'll get there… At this point I'm still 20. (oh I WISH!!!)